Stop Asking Why LDR!
Similar to how high schooler want you to stop asking, where are they going to college? What will their major be? Or how newly married couples want you to stop asking when will they have kids? It’s the same for us in LDR. We get tired of being asked Why LDR? How is LDR going? Is it as hard as they say? Honestly, we are not tired of the questions, but we are tired of the insincerity.
Most people feel like they can’t do LDR or they seen it not work out for other people but at the same time, they’re still curious of what it’s like to be in a long distance relationship. We wanted to go ahead and answer some popular FAQs that we get:
What we say: For us LDR was the only option besides to break up.
What we think: Marcus was sure of the relationship and Bry was kinda sure but we communicated our feeling openly and discussed our thoughts honesty and by doing this we decided to give it a try. This trial period has been going on nearly 3 years but we are working on getting to the full subscription, i.e. closing the gap then marriage.
How is LDR going?
What we say: It’s going.
What we think: We are just like anybody else in a relationship. We have our moments of missing each other, moments of disagreements, and moments of being in love. We just have to find different ways to show it to each other and be very honest about our feelings because body language isn’t a way we can communicate through all the time. One thing that helps is understanding each others Love Language. Both of us have Quality Time and Acts of Service as our top 2 languages so this helps us do and share things that compliments those characteristics.
Often we have moments that are as corny as Nick in New Girl when he missed Winston, “I screamed your name at the ocean today and then I ate a sandwich that tasted like your smile”
Is it as hard as they say?
What we say: Yes
What we think: Some LDR couples have never met and some have met but live on different continents. Our situation is a little different, we were together in the same city for 3 months before going long distance. This added a little more difficulty as we're used to seeing, touching, and talking to each other daily. To suddenly go from seeing someone daily, to 3 or 4 times a year, that’s a big shift but we continue to trust and openly communicate in a way that it makes it easier.
We are 15 hours away but we work around this by finding things to do through digital platforms to keep ourselves connected. Our current favorite virtual date is movie night. We alternate picking a movie on Netflix and watch it while on the phone. We pause it to laugh together, crack jokes, and ask questions but overall it’s the closest we get to cuddling and watching tv.
How often do you see each other?
What we say: About 3-4 times a year
What we think: Our 2nd year together we actually saw each other nearly 9 out of the 12 months that year. It was great being able to see each other that often but we quickly realized that it came at a cost; a very expensive cost. Because Marcus is in TN and Bryanna is in MN, to see each other requires buying plane tickets and we all know that those aren't cheap. So we made a plan to see each other a minimum of 3-4 times and if we can afford more, then we'll figure it out.
How often do we video each other?
What we say: Not that often
What we think: In the beginning we would almost video like 4-5 times a month. Being fresh in LDR and being used to see each other all time at school, video was what often kept us closely connected with each other. Now it happens whenever there’s something we want to show the other, see each other face or when working on a blog post.
When will you see each other next?
What we say: Memorial Day Weekend
What we think: This year we currently had 3 visits planned but Marcus added a 4th when he came and surprised Bryanna for her 24th Birthday this year. We have planned to be together for Memorial Day, 4th of July and Thanksgiving. That’s our 4 times this year.
When are ya'll closing the gap?
What we say: Soon
What we think: We are working on closing the gap now but it’s a little difficult as we both have just began our careers and enjoy our jobs/companies. How do you ask someone to give that up or how do you let the one you love give up something that is important to them? Who moves? Some people use the questions, such as, who makes the most? Who has the most stake in the relationship? Who has the least to lose? We want to go with the best option for us which is loosely based on who is most stable. We also have thoughts of moving somewhere mutual but we are still trying to figure this out.
Often times, we both have days where we feel just like Schmidt from New Girl: “When you care about somebody you do what’s best for them even if it sucks for you.”
This list is always building, so if you have any more questions we will add them to the list.