Emotional Honesty...What's That?
Over the past few months, I have been listening to the Love Hour Love Cast hosted by @KevOnStage and @MrsKevOnStage. The love hour is one of my go-to podcast during the day because I have been able to see and hear about the growth of their marriage and learn more about friendships and just overall relationships. Over the past couple of months, the bases of the podcast even though it may not be the topic has been emotional honesty. After I first heard about this, I noticed this topic being a consistent thought in my mind.
Honestly, you probably can guess what emotional honesty means but yet it's so hard for us to do. Emotional honesty or emotional integrity is being honest about how you feel and feeling those feelings in the moment. Why is it so hard for us to open up about our feelings to ourselves and even harder trying to be emotionally honest to others? In this world of "situationships", no one wants to be emotionally honest because let's face it, its easier to just lie and say you aren’t that involved or invested to guard yourself than to just tell the truth. How about you tell everyone you ain't serious about them to prevent yourself from getting invested, is that emotional honesty? Not really, as you're just protecting yourself so you don’t have to feel the hurt that you currently have. You could just feel those feelings from the initial hurt and just be emotionally honest in your next relationship to let them know you been hurt before and you don’t want to be involved if they aren’t prepared for you to be honest about feel your feelings.
To me, there are 3 things we must do to help us build emotional honesty:
Be honest with ourselves: If you can’t be honest with yourself, how can you be honest with others about how you feel. So take some time to think about what you’re feeling and then try to put an emotion to it.
Spend time alone to feel: We take those emotions that we found in #1 and spend time feeling those feelings. More times than not, when we feel some type of way, we don’t like to feel those feelings but it’s important that we do as it’s hard to move on from something that we keep locked in a vault.
Be Open: After we feel those feelings alone in #2 we must be open to feeling and sharing those feelings with others. It’s not enough to know how you feel, you have to let your boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, parent, sibling, friend, etc. know how they make you feel in past and present situations.
I bet you’re wondering if I’m emotional honest 100% of the time...well I’ll say it’s a process and depends on how honest you can be with yourself to how comfortable you are to feel your feelings alone to how open you are with other makes the difference. So I have been slowing trying to be more emotionally honest with myself and as I get more comfortable with this I can begin to move to being more emotionally honest with my future husband. I am able to feel my feelings when I’m alone but being in a relationship and think about the future (our marriage), I still have a little ways to go to open up to my fiancé but it is very important to me that we can build up our marriage on an emotionally honest foundation.
I don’t want you to think that being emotionally honest means no fighting and everything is sunshine and rainbows, so let me put this here
“Those couples who share the greatest degree of intimacy and fulfillment together are not the ones who experience the least conflict or the fewest upsets, but are rather those who are the most willing to relate with both honesty and sensitivity.” - Linda & Charlie Bloom
We all need to gain emotional honesty, it sets us free from holding in pain, discomfort, and bitterness to bring us joy, satisfaction, and hope. You have the power to not just improve your relationships but to communicate more effectively in all areas of your life by being emotional honest.